Woah, we are already pushing ahead into the new year! Boy, it's gone fast, hasn't it?!
Some of us find the holidays peaceful, yet there are others who find it draining, busy and negative. It's not all roses and calm for everyone. The Christmas/New Year/Holiday season can trigger a lot of people to act and behave negatively based on their past experiences, and beliefs about themselves (or others).
When we are triggered our minds love to run away with us, taking us down dark roads that lead to misery, regret, anxiety, heartache, and pain. In fact, most of the time the story our mind is telling us isn't even real or is long gone and can't be changed anyway. This can lead to a pretty messy headspace where behaviours and actions based on these triggers are irrational because the stories are simply created in our heads and are not true or helpful.
This can be seen in people who are really struggling in life and have been triggered by an event that's occurred. They lash out, attempt to control others, fight, become demanding and angry. It's a lot of energy to spend when the story in their minds isn’t even true or helpful, don’t you think?
So, how do you react when someone is behaving negatively and lashing out and trying to control you?
1. Resist the urge to judge or assume. It's hard to offer someone compassion when you've already named them a jerk, idiot, abuser, or waste of space (or whatever name you pick for them!). When you are confronted with someone who is negative, your behaviour will naturally match them. Be conscious of this. Try coming at them with the positive mindset you wish they had. Expect the best in them. You never know, you might be pleasantly surprised.
2. Understand where they are coming from. It's always easier to offer someone compassion if you try to understand where they're coming from. But that can't completely justify bad behavior. If you show negative people you support their choice to behave badly, you give them no real incentive to make a change (which they may actually want deep down).
3. Maintain a POSITIVE boundary. I like to tell myself I can only control the positive space I create around myself. With this in mind, I try to protect the positive space around me, and when their negativity is too strong, then I try to protect it and walk away.
4. Disarm their negativity - even if just for now. This is something that I've learned as life progresses. One of the beliefs I've had to conquer recently was "I have to fix things". I used to try to fix whatever I saw as an issue to make things better. The intent was positive - I wanted to see people happy and for others to thrive. However, when people are struggling and are negative they tend to "shoot the messenger", so instead, a referral to someone who can help is often the best option. Don't try to solve or fix them. Just aim to help them now.
If you've tried the tips above and you continue to be triggered by events or the behaviour of others, get in touch with me and I can share with you how I can help you.
New Year, New You - Make the change! Don't let negative people bring you down, live a healthy, happy, and well life!